---As I read the UPLB DCS logbook, I came across my entry which is dated months ago (August 22, 2006 - 11:33 PM /August 23, 2006 - 9:15 AM). If you share the same sentiments or passion of finding reason and meaning to life, this may be a good read. Comments will be greatly appreciated!---
Some people say that it is at the
sunset of one’s life that he realizes how he missed out on things that really
mattered in this world. In this sunset, everything he could see are hazy images
of the things he had done in the past. Nothing may be as bright as the setting
sun. Everything else falls on the background and fades away with the light,
consumed by the darkness that the lost of light creates. It is then that he
asks himself of the questions that brings forth doubts that he had, for so many
times, disregarded and ignored. Did he live a meaningful life? Did he do the
things that really mattered? Did he change somebody else’s life? Did he gave
light to someone who can’t see? Did he prove his worth?
It is funny
to think that these things really are happening. We only see these happen in
the movies, soaps, or other stuff intended to make us feel things we never felt
before. Then it hits you. Right in the middle of your smirk for the lousy actor
crying in front of you. You’re paying more attention and you’re finding it not
very happy anymore. Why? Because it is you that you are laughing at. We never
see things clearly until it hits us, point-blank, straight in the face. It’s
only then that we realize how much we have given up lot of things for the one
we love, or how stupid we had been for doing things that are against our very
reason to live. We have deprived ourselves of the things that are most
fundamental for our survival, for our existence. We concentrated on things that
satisfied our lust for happiness and satisfaction. So concentrated that we
forgot how this lust should have been a simple want for the simplest things
that would have eventually made us complete, not wanting and not searching. We
could have finally defined our existence and purpose, if not for the desires
that consumed our being.
Life is a
matter of choice. It had always been and always will be. It is not only by the
end of our destinies and unfolding of our fates that we decide to start to
choose. It had long started. From the very beginning of our destinies to the
very moment we sealed our fate and the very start of living the life that we
chose. You see, it’s all about choices, it’s all about starts, it’s all about
living. No matter what happens in our lives, it will all end; sending us back
to where we have started. It will be upon us to choose the kind of life that we
wanted to live, that we wanted to be remembered. You will have to choose,
sooner or later, you would have to believe in your destiny and choose the faith
that will best go with it, that make you live your life to its full.
Maybe if
you chose the right fate and decided to live it, by the end of the day, or the
end of your life, the sunset would be a marvelous sight, with your memories glistening
as bright as the sun. Those memories that you have would still fade away with
the light of the sun; but instead of it consuming your being, it would actually
be the stars, twinkling in the darkest nights of your lives, reminding you how
meaningful your life has been and how you have given light to others. This
eliminates your doubts and fears. This gives you a feeling of self-worth, a
feeling of contentment – the best state where you have ceased to want and you
have ceased to search. This is time when nothing else in your life mattered,
when nothing else is more important than yourself, when nothing – not even the
most devastating moments in the past, present, or the future – could make you
feel worst, miserable, and defeated. It is in this time of your life, that no
matter how many mistakes you have done, whatever shortcomings that you have
shown, no matter how many sorries and regrets that you have, you could say and
attest to yourself that you have believed in your destiny, lived your fate,
stood by your choices, and became the happy, contented, complete, and fulfilled
person that you are – yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Just go on.
Live your life. Make it memorable. Make it worth remembering. Let them aspire
to be you, to live your life. Inspire the. Enlighten. Change them. Walk with
them. Hand in hand, go on in the path of life. See through the end. Feel the
light and air at the tunnel’s end. Learn from your mistakes. Share thoughts
with others. Forget your regrets. Put away your doubts. Believe in yourself. Do
what makes you happy. Don’t deprive yourself. Reach your bliss. Bring others
along. Stay there. Be contented. Respect their happiness. Value their contentment.
By the end of the day, smile. By the end of your life, live.
(she's the HR who hired me, and most importantly, she's one of the greatest person I've met here in the office 
) and the presentation by the Bishop family (i don't exactly know who they are..haher 
).
The cute kids danced and sung Christmas carols for us. And even if
there were some (okay, many) steps that were not synchronized, you just
can not help but adore them 
. They really are very cute!
)
Anyway, I'm still thinking of ways how to make it up to her. One more
thing, when I went home in Tarlac last weekend, I did not notice any
Christmas lights, nor a Christmas tree (although we don't really put up
a tree, we just use a big plastic plant in the house). There were
Christmas lights, I saw two boxes. But I guess my parents just don't
feel the season coz it's only them and Gary (youngest bro) left in our
Tarlac home. Oh well, hope December won't be as cold when we get back
during the holiday break 
weird. hehe. All i know is I wanna fast forward to 5:55 so that it's
time for me to go home. And who knows, maybe by then, I have already
finished what I was supposed to do. 
Good thing I still ain't late. hehe. Anyway, hope they (Governmnet and DOTC) find a way or plan to improve the services.